bon giorno

And she's back. Man I'm already planning my next trip to Italy. Jesus. It's so good. So very, very good. Austria was incredible too, it's everything you would think, especially in the countryside. Very alpine village. So cute. And Vienna contains some of the most beautiful architecture I've ever seen. So much incredible detail.

Unfortunately I LOST most of my pictures but whatever yeah.

mullet haiku: new installment

From Melissa, our gal in San Diego (whom, let it noted, I did not call Mel):

fish fryin' thursday
tecate latte no foam
washin' back black beans


And from... um, some other San Diego guy, a holiday treat:

Turkey leg and beer
Happy Thanksgiving baby
You wanna get stuffed?

new mullet haiku from lorie

broken pick-up truck
waiting for pay day to come
american cheese


game in overtime
get me a beer, woman
make it a cold one


kids are hollerin'
dang dog had puppies again
goin' to the bar


you're sure real pretty
wanna take you for a ride
kissin' cousins now


my shotgun hangs here
rifle needs a good cleanin'
gotta be ready


lunch whistle blowin'
got fried balony sammich
wash it down with beer


[Ed. note: Extra points to Lorie for using "sammich."]

mullet haiku

I'm not sure I remember where the idea came from, but some time ago I wrote a couple of these and asked some friends to contribute. I found them buried in a folder and had a laugh. I don't remember whose is whose, so if you wrote one of these, let me know. Also, if you'd like to take a stab at a Mullet Haiku of your very own, send it to me!

Without further ado, Mullet Haiku:


7 Grape Kool-aid Packs
10 for a dollar Ramen
5 winning scratchers


PBR on tap
cockroach swims in foamy pool
Round Corner last night


cheese whiz in a can
tilt back head open my mouth
but nothing came out


Hamburger Helper
Spilt on my Auto Trader
S'all right, licked it off


the aroma of stale beer
the sweet sounds of John Bon Jovi
mom's home


Stop sign on dirt road
Taunts me with its brand new face
Hand me my damn gun


Family picnic
Sloppy Joes, Jell-O salad
Oops, shot cat - BBs


Gropin' for some boob
Trans-Am door slammed in my face
I don't need that tooth

because excitement doesn't get anymore excitinger than this

The trailer for Star Wars Episode III.

Ironically enough, it is Ralph Nader who has the words of inspiration on this sad day. He quoted I.F. Stone.

The only struggles worth fighting for are those you lose and lose and lose and lose until you win.

our man patrick henry. 23 march 1775

Mr. President, it is natural to man to indulge in the illusions of hope. We are apt to shut our eyes against a painful truth, and listen to the song of that siren till she transforms us into beasts. Is this the part of wise men, engaged in a great and arduous struggle for liberty? Are we disposed to be of the number of those who, having eyes, see not, and, having ears, hear not, the things which so nearly concern their temporal salvation? For my part, whatever anguish of spirit it may cost, I am willing to know the whole truth; to know the worst, and to provide for it.

je t'aime

Love from Crazy Anna in Paris:

"I miss you like the lightening misses the Earth because there's nothing to hit."

And from the top of the Eiffel Tower, no less.

All my life I've been
Wishing on eyelashes
For words to fit
How I feel

- Melissa Ferrick

some things are meant to be

Sweet Jesus, I Hate Bill O'Reilly, International (an organization of hope)

word of the week

Bitchingly. As in, that is one bitchingly hot Jude Law. As in, I am so bitchingly hung over this morning.

It's very versatile.

don't let it get too deep

The reviews so far for the philosophical I Heart Huckabees seem to concede that there are some riveting things happening, with an undeniably great cast, but that there is just too much information being thrown at the audience, that it isn't fluid enough.

When I saw the film, I had the same feeling I did when I saw The Royal Tennenbaums - basically that I was seeing this gorgeous, intelligent, inventive but offbeat movie that no one in the audience got. Everybody seemed disconcerted, disengaged. It was "weird." American audiences aren't used to being challenged much, and certainly not in mainstream movie theaters.

I'm one of those people who is affected greatly by the energy of those around me. I sensed how offputting Huckabees was to the audience, especially during the more surreal sequences. There was a lot of imagery depicting how everything in the universe is connected, and how each character perceived that. Unusual, indeed. It was hard for me to watch the movie just for myself; I found myself watching it through other audience members' lenses.

I do hope that everyone in the theater opened their minds a little, allowed themselves to free associate with the images on the screen, and decide what those truly smart and original impressions meant to them. I'm sure some of them did enjoy the film and get something out of it. But as they all filed out at the end, abnormally silent, with those "What the hell was that" looks on their faces, I really just hoped that every single one, at some point on their journey across the parking lot, did what the movie asked us all to do, which was to ask ourselves,

How am I not myself?
How am I not myself?
How am I not myself?
How am I not myself?

good ol' days

You may know that The Carter Center monitors elections all over the world. What you many not know is that if the United States were a foreign country asking to become affiliated with the Center, it would have to reject us because we don't meet the minimum requirements for fair elections.

What you may also not know is that Jimmy Carter is an evangelical Christian. Wha???? Yes. He is. And he was then too. Did he ever talk about it? Rarely. Did he use it for political gain? No. Why? Because Jimmy Carter comes from old school baptist stock, and they believe that church and government should be separate. Kinda like that thing, the Consti... gee it's hard to remember the name of it but you know what I'm talking about. Their thought was, government doesn't interfere with what they do, and they as a religious group don't interfere with the government. Yep. Uh-huh.

"I barely recognize the Republican Party today. In the Republican Party that I was active in, it was really a party of moderation. What I think the party is dominated by now is a radical philosophy."

- John Dean, former Nixon White House counsel, to Mother Jones.

so bloody wrong

Take a moment to view this short movie about Bush's rhetoric, lies, and fear tactics. It's from the Daily Show, so you know you won't regret it and you know it'll be damn funny.

word of the week

Shitfest. Has a nice ring, yes? As in, work this week has been a real shitfest. As in, the Costco in Santa Cruz had a shitfest of holiday crap the first week of September. As in, Hey check out the shitfest known as the 2004 Presidential race. Or, focusing on some phony docs used on CBS when there are so many other brutally phony things going on is quite the Grade-A shitfest. Or how about 25 states having to decide on constitutional ammendments to ban gay marriage being a total fucking utter shitfest? See? It works, doesn't it?

an open letter to the eldest cat of our household

Where to begin? I want you to know that I'm not writing this to berate you in any way, only to further our communication.

I feel I need to tell you something in this letter that I do not seem to have been able to communicate to you in person. I'm not sure how to say it so you'll hear me, so I'll just come out and say it as simply as I can: You will not get tuna everyday. This won't happen, not ever. You will get it once every couple of days at best. I know that you have tried to tell me, to explain how you think you need tuna every single day. But you see, this desire for daily tuna is a want, not a need. I need for you to start distinguishing between those two things.

I feel like it's time to be open about this - the neurosis is reaching epic proportions. You watch me cook my own dinner (ok, fine, I realize that "cook" is a gross misrepresentation) while you have your perfectly good kibble in your bowl. I always buy for you the brand you like and I always listen when you tell me that the level of said kibble is not quite at the level in the bowl that you would like it to be. In short, I keep you in darn good kibble. And I might as well just say it - the precision with which you watch my every move in the vacinity of the kitchen is a little disturbing. You're always waiting, always obsessing over that moment when I might go to the tuna cupboard. Take a look at yourself. Is this how you want to be?

Also, I wonder what is up with the Spawn. You seem to manage to avoid her at all times, which on most levels I applaud, because it saves everyone's nerves I think when we can avoid any contact with her. However, when your little brother gets into trouble, I really... well, I don't see you rushing to his defense in any way. I don't expect you to take on the Spawn yourself, I just... I guess I would just like to see you get out there a little more, show your brother some support. Yes, I know he is adopted. But sooner or later you're going to have to accept that he's your brother no matter what, and he's stood by you through thick and thin. Hasn't he? Hasn't he endured your bullying and taunting? He's a good boy, and he doesn't eat much tuna. Think of what it must feel like for him, living forever in your shadow.

I truly hope you'll think about what I've said, and save your responses until after you've had time to let it sink in. Thank you for listening.

Mama

"I ALWAYS vote. It's hard because it's so dreary in those places. People dress badly. It's decorated badly. Try to pick up people when you vote. I tell college kids that when I'm lecturing. I say, 'Dress provocatively.' Cruise. Touch yourself as you pull the lever. Do things to make it more interesting. How else are we going to get young people to vote? They think it's dull."

- John Waters in the New York Post

the presidential debate drinking game

Now you can actually enjoy the series of presidential debates, starting tonight.

When either Kerry or Bush say any of the following, guess what, you get to get a little more schnockered.

"Make no mistake" -drink one shot

"Iraq" -drink of beer

"Hence" -only Kerry will say this since Georgie doesn't know what it means. Have a drink of beer

"Weapons of mass distruction" -drink of beer (a small drink, you don't want to pass out too early)

"Irresponsible" -drink one shot

"The American people" -drink of beer

"Well, I'll tell you..." -total stalling mechanism. You should have time for two good chugs of beer

"When I'm president" -drink one shot. Dear god, is one of these clowns going to be our president?

"Now is the time" -drink of beer

"Manufacturing jobs" -drink of beer

"Hard-working families" -drink of beer

"Our great nation" -drink of beer

and finally...

"I'm not going to stoop to that level" -take two shots and go to bed. Politics are tiring!

yet another reason why capitalism shouldn't go unchecked

Wal-Mart sent out a letter or as we say in marketing an "image piece" to California residents late last week. They've got a tv ad campaign as well. This company is so fucked up that they have to grovel to the people in order to build more stores.

They promise that every family in Southern Cali, where they seem to be concentrating their expansion efforts, will "save at least $589 per year" with the presence of one of their "supercenters." Right. Because... what? Every family is supposed to shop there? They actually expect that? BECAUSE THERE WON'T BE ANYPLACE ELSE TO SHOP? They have the gall to say this when they are facing literally dozens of discrimination and ill-treatment lawsuits and do everything they can to keep their employees from being represented by a union? They have the gall to say this to communities that are willing to do just about anything, including unseating their entire city council, to keep the slimeballs out of their areas? Bastards. I know I have tried many times, but I don't think that I will ever be able to express the intensity of my hatred of this boil on the butt of America.

dangerous, my foot

"Those who are most deserving of love will never be made happy by it."
-Glenn Close, Dangerous Liaisons (close approximation, anyway)

I gave that some thought. Probably some truth to it. Some people don't end up ever being really happy or fulfilled in a romantic situation. I wonder about myself sometimes.

Of course old Glennie was speaking of women, and basically explaining to a very young and voluptuous Uma Thurman that while men are happy by what they receive from women, women are made happy by what they give. Seems kind of fucked up although I'm sure that's true for a lot of people. Daughters have it rough. We are taught these things very early on, and it's hard to change.

Other than that little contemplation, and the aforementioned voluptuousness of such an alluring actress, there wasn't much redeeming about Dangerous Liaisons. I had never seen it all the way through until now. I realize it was a big deal in the 80s or whatever. And visually it's quite stunning, they did their homework for sure. But it was pretty stupid. John Malkovich is a great actor of course but in this movie he was about as emotive as his co-star Keanu Reeves. Glenn was great as always, but she just didn't have much to work with. The endless exposition, oh my god-- I hate to see good actors being reduced to forcing out a paragraph of dialogue about This Is My Motive and Here Is What I Plan To Do and This Is Why I Plan To Do It. Muaaah-ah.

The casual American accents just seemed so wrong. (Although it would have been worse had they adopted British accents as some American actors are wont to do any time they touch a period piece - *shudder*). Poor Michelle Pfieffer did what she could, although she really never got a chance to develop her own character; she was simply defined by the inane ramblings of two other characters. Didn't this thing win an Oscar for adapted screenplay or something? Jesus. It was terrible.

But, a big fat hallelujah to Netflix! (And thanks to Pooks for hooking me up.) I'm finally on that train. Man. You go there, put in a few pieces of information, click on some titles of movies you've always meant to see but never want to commit to at the video store, and bam, two days later they're sitting in your mailbox. Righteous. I'm thinking the next one will be much more enjoyable, got the 30th Anniversary Edition of Blazing Saddles. Aw yeah.

i wanna be some raddichio

The universe is wondrous. As it is getting to be the time when I begin to obsess in earnest about all things Halloween, I met a wonderful, spirited man (who does like his spirits) called James who owns an amazing costume shop. He seemed to love me within five minutes of our knowing each other, which gay men are wont to do with me, and he told me that he can get me outfitted in an award-winning get-up for an amazing price. He can do a really intense Little Miss Muffet, or he has all the 80s stuff that would make a good Flashdance-era Jennifer Beals. I told him I wanted to be a man but he seemed really keen on getting me all femme'ed out. He thought I had a nice body, and let's face it, I love anyone who thinks I have a beautiful body! Anyway, he has everything you can imagine, going back to the 18th century. HE EVEN HAS A SPECIAL SECTION FOR FRUIT AND VEGETABLE COSTUMES. I'm almost afraid to walk into this place, because I think I might implode.

thank god! more gazillionaires!

According to Forbes, "The combined net worth of the nation's wealthiest climbed to $1 trillion, up $45 billion in 12 months." The sheer number of billionaires has increased to its highest-ever levels.

And of course, from reading this journal you already know that CEO salaries have increased 279% in the past decade and that workers' income has increased 46%. And you also of course know that the number of Americans living in poverty increased by 1.3 million last year. People. We can't afford to elect more fucking Republicans, come on. We can't afford to elect more rank and file Dems, either. Are the true liberals in the house?? Time to get some equality up in here. Time to get some holistic evaluation in this joint and stop worrying so much about what we might lose. Because we're losing, big time.

a day of sadness and anger

Three years ago today. Three years. The heart of this country was filled with such fear it almost burst. I cannot imagine the horror for those who were right there where it happened. It makes my blood cold to hear detailed accounts. I remember how long it took for everything to set in. We were so shocked, dying for information. Once the shock subsided a little, we wanted to know everything about what happened. Then we wanted to know why it happened.

Though those who had lost family members were left flailing in the misery of the aftermath, the torture of waiting while all the pieces were picked up, we were, as a nation, willing to do anything to get life back to the way it was. All the fear made us realize, perhaps, how much we had to lose. We wanted to drive our SUVs to work, to still be able to afford them. We wanted our tv and readily available, cheap food. We wanted our credit cards and our cell phones and our gym membership. This is the American lifestyle. It seems we will do anything to keep that.

And it's a bit easier to do that, isn't it, because Americans don't fight wars on our own soil. No, we go over to our enemies' land. If half of Texas were destroyed, that would certainly spark World War III.

Rather than be humbled and choose to take a long, deep look at the situation following the events of three years ago, we developed a taste for blood. In the days following, I heard several co-workers assert, "Bomb 'em!" Then all the American flags popped up. The battle cry had begun.

As the carnage wore on, pacifists were seeing some things in play below the surface. They took to the streets. They were dismissed as the scum of America. The "patriots" shook their fingers at them and said the peace protestors were undermining the great sacrifices being made.

The Bush regime and those of extreme political conservatism who continue to support it are the current destroyers of America. I am talking about those who continue to support war and a cowardly and dishonest "president" because that is what they've always done and the rhetoric sounds good and that is what you do when you're an American. I'm talking about those Americans who believe that Iraq had something to do with September 11, and hell, even if it didn't, they had the capacity to hurt us - so it's ok that we're tearing their country apart. Those who look at the number of children without healthcare in this country alone (over 10%), the richest country in the world, and say, Well, it's the parents' fault and their responsibility. Those who watch as Bush and most of Congress protect the filthy rich HMOs - even as the number of people insured by their employer falls sharply every year. Those who are busy supporting and implementing school vouchers so that they can send their kids to a "nice" (white) school. Even though they must know that nothing in this country is going to change until all kids are treated and educated equally. Those who protest when multi-unit housing goes up in their perfect little neighborhoods... neighborhoods that are so spread out that they've taken up 80% of the wild- and farmland in the area. Those who stand on the side of corporations and highly imbalanced tax cuts as the American people are enslaved, the minimum wage remains too low to survive on, and hard workers may be denied significant overtime pay. Those who say we must pray for and honor our troops, yet say and do nothing when the Bush administration prohibits photos of the coffins of our war dead. Those who somehow still believe that the answer to all this fighting is more fighting, that we can and should win the war on terror. Those who believe that the government had no idea September 11 was going to happen and had no way of stopping it. Those who refuse to see that they had plans to overthrow both the Taliban and Hussein before that horrible day. Those who are duped into participating in the smear campaigns on the enemies of Bush - campaigns orchestrated by Karl Rove. Those who write off critical thinkers who've read books by George Orwell and who know a bit about the people's history and who warn that we're headed for a really different way of life. Those who say we should stand by our president and who believe that those "Middle Easterners" who mean us harm are freedom haters.

The real freedom hater is George Walker Bush.

The reality of what is going on is right here under our noses. Why are people clinging to this Disney paradigm depicting a good president from a good family who leads a strong and proud nation to war?

Because then I guess they'd have to change.

Shame on you, you who follow the bouncing ball of the Bush-Rove-Cheney agenda. Wake up.

blood red

So I read Travis LaFrance's blog, and found that he wrote about a Republican singles' mixer he encountered during the RNC.

He observes an NPR reporter who asks one of the guests at this shindig about dating. The conservative guy apparently couldn't quite get over the fact that there was a representative of NPR in their midst. His response had nothing to do with his love life:

"'I don't trust any station that doesn't support itself with advertisements,' he announced, his body taking a defensive posture. 'I don't trust any news organization that has to ask for money. And then purport to be unbiased.'

"The reporter smiled and held out the mic: 'So have you met any woman [sic] tonight?'

"'If you hand over your revenue to the free market, you're guaranteed to be neutral,' the fellow demanded. 'No offense, but that's how it works.'"


At this same event, Travis asks a potential date what her interests are:

"The stockmarket. Ways of earning income without working."

She then inquires: "Do you have any investments?"

"No."

"It's no wonder you can't get a girlfriend."


The heart and soul of America, I tell you. The heart and soul.

I miss you. I miss the feeling of laying on the world and watching the stars and humans take their places. I miss breakfast on Saturday morning. I miss casual cocktails. I miss serendipity. I miss knowing that the fountain will always be refilled. I miss alchemy. I miss knowing when a song needs to be played twice. I miss you.

from george saunders

Manifesto
A press release from PRKA.

Last Thursday, my organization, People Reluctant To Kill for an Abstraction, orchestrated an overwhelming show of force around the globe.

At precisely 9 in the morning, working with focus and stealth, our entire membership succeeded in simultaneously beheading no one. At 10, Phase II began, during which our entire membership did not force a single man to suck another man's penis. Also, none of us blew himself/herself up in a crowded public place. No civilians were literally turned inside out via our powerful explosives. In addition, at 11, in Phase III, zero (0) planes were flown into buildings.

During Phase IV, just after lunch, we were able to avoid bulldozing a single home. Furthermore, we set, on roads in every city, in every nation in the world, a total of zero (0) roadside bombs which, not being there, did not subsequently explode, killing/maiming a total of nobody. No bombs were dropped, during the lazy afternoon hours, on crowded civilian neighborhoods, from which, it was observed, no post-bomb momentary silences were then heard. These silences were, in all cases, followed by no unimaginable, grief-stricken bellows of rage, and/or frantic imprecations to a deity. No sleeping baby was awakened from an afternoon nap by the sudden collapse and/or bursting into flame of his/her domicile during Phase IV.

In the late afternoon (Phase V), our membership focused on using zero (0) trained dogs to bite/terrorize naked prisoners. In addition, no stun guns, rubber batons, rubber bullets, tear gas, or bullets were used, by our membership, on any individual, anywhere in the world. No one was forced to don a hood. No teeth were pulled in darkened rooms. No drills were used on human flesh, nor were whips or flames. No one was reduced to hysterical tears via a series of blows to the head or body, by us. Our membership, while casting no racial or ethnic aspersions, skillfully continued not to rape, gang-rape, or sexually assault a single person. On the contrary, during this late-afternoon phase, many of our membership flirted happily and even consoled, in a nonsexual way, individuals to whom they were attracted, putting aside their sexual feelings out of a sudden welling of empathy.

As night fell, our membership harbored no secret feelings of rage or, if they did, meditated, or discussed these feelings with a friend until such time as the feelings abated, or were understood to be symptomatic of some deeper sadness.

It should be noted that, in addition to the above-listed and planned activities completed by our members, a number of unplanned activities were completed by part-time members, or even nonmembers.

In London, a bitter homophobic grandfather whose grocery bag broke open gave a loaf of very nice bread to a balding gay man who stopped to help him. A stooped toothless woman in Tokyo pounded her head with her hands, tired beyond belief of her lifelong feelings of anger and negativity, and silently prayed that her heart would somehow be opened before it was too late. In Syracuse, New York, holding the broken body of his kitten, a man felt a sudden kinship for all small things.

Even declared nonmembers, it would appear, responded to our efforts. In Chitral, Pakistan, for example, a recent al-Qaida recruit remembered the way an elderly American tourist once made an encouraging remark about his English, and how, as she made the remark, she touched his arm, like a mother. In Gaza, an Israeli soldier and a young Palestinian, just before averting their eyes and muttering insults in their respective languages, exchanged a brief look of mutual shame.

Who are we? A word about our membership.

Since the world began, we have gone about our work quietly, resisting the urge to generalize, valuing the individual over the group, the actual over the conceptual, the inherent sweetness of the present moment over the theoretically peaceful future to be obtained via murder. Many of us have trouble sleeping and lie awake at night, worrying about something catastrophic befalling someone we love. We rise in the morning with no plans to convert anyone via beating, humiliation, or invasion. To tell the truth, we are tired. We work. We would just like some peace and quiet. When wrong, we think about it awhile, then apologize. We stand under awnings during urban thunderstorms, moved to thoughtfulness by the troubled, umbrella-tinged faces rushing by. In moments of crisis, we pat one another awkwardly on the back, mumbling shy truisms. Rushing to an appointment, remembering a friend who has passed away, our eyes well with tears and we think: Well, my God, he could be a pain, but still I'm lucky to have known him.

This is PRKA. To those who would oppose us, I would simply say: We are many. We are worldwide. We, in fact, outnumber you. Though you are louder, though you create a momentary ripple on the water of life, we will endure, and prevail.

Join us.

Resistance is futile.

Check the plethora of photos of the protests at the Republican National Convention in NYC.

Simply gorgeous.

standards & practices

I just wanted to point out a very important thing will never, ever in five million years be loaded onto my new iPod. Which of course is Lenny Kravitz. This will not happen. Never the twain shall meet. My ipod --> Lenny Kravitz? Nope. Not gonna happen. Not ever. Ever. Never.

I was locked
Into being my mother's daughter
I was just eating bread and water
Thinking nothing ever changes
And I was shocked
To see the mistakes of each generation
Will just fade like a radio station
If you drive out of range

-Ani DiFranco

dancing in our heads

I don't need graham crackers, I don't need milk. Just give me the nap.

It's high time our culture embraced the institutionalization of the nap. The siesta.

Imagine:

You get up early, while the air is still swimming in night-ness. You go about your day, picking up steam around nine or ten o'clock. You get into the feeling of the day. You produce, you create. Then, about three or four o'clock, all that focus starts to catch up with you. You slow down a little bit. Rather than being irritated by this, you're pleased. It's siesta time.

You go to your bedroom/designated nap room. You take off your clothes and have some room-temperature lemon water or tea. You enjoy being in the dim, with just a touch of late afternoon sunlight coloring the room. You enjoy being quiet, being where other people are not. You splash water on your face. You breathe. You lie down and everything feels soft. You relish the sheer pleasure of being horizontal, of having no pressure put upon your body. You let the day go, and before you realize it you have fallen into sleep, that strange, hard, mid-day sleep that is so good it can only last thirty or so minutes.

You wake up, and feel that your body is made of lead. It is a wonderful feeling. You start moving slowly, slowly. In a few minutes your heartbeat quickens and the events of the day come back to you. You begin thinking about what you've done, and the things you wish to still do before the day is over. You get dressed, down the rest of your beverage, and return to the world, renewed. Ready to finish tasks and then to enjoy an evening meal. You stay up just a little later and enjoy the night and the people in it just a little more because your body has been replenished.

Doesn't that sound great? It's very F. Scott Fitzgerald. It's romantic, and it's also healthy for your mind, body and spirit.

And, while I would prefer to take many of my siestas alone, one should not discount the luxury of a siesta taken with a lover that comes complete with mid-afternoon shag and post-shag snoozing. This is a lovely amendment to an already satisfying tradition.

We need to get on this train, I say. War? Pain? Cruelty? Nah, forget it. It's nap time.

vegas, baby

We came. We saw. We are in recovery.

I wish I had pictures of the inside of the limo. It had blinky neon lights and the coolest, cheesiest bar I've ever seen. It was so long I could barely see Randall sitting down at the end. Ok, maybe there were other reasons I couldn't see him.

I wish I had pictures of Randall drenched in sweat, dancing at the club. When normally he does not, not, not dance at all. Epic.

I wish I had pictures of the performers in Zumanity, particularly the two lovely ladies who swam around in a giant bowl of water, seducing each other and performing such acrobatics that I could hardly breathe. At one point, one of them did a handstand over the other one and then ended up basically with the other woman's face between her legs. It was a sight, a sight indeed.

Lorie was mad with the puns - the entire trip! She made more friends in four days than I think I've made in my entire life.

Boobs, boobs, everywhere boobs. Some of them even real. Sequins we saw for sure. I think we even saw a klingon- she had a very small dog with whom she had a strange relationship. I never quite made it over to the craps table like I'd been hoping to. All told, a brilliant time was had by all. Unfortunately, the most brilliant things I cannot repeat here or anywhere. Some of them were captured on film, but will be kept safely in the classified files.

A most successful trip into debauchery by all accounts.

of great importance

I'll tell you what I don't like. I don't like praying mantises who think they can just waltz into my bathroom. (Of course this is an expression; however I think that could be a very riveting addition to Fantasia 3: The Waltzing Mantises.)

I don't like it when people use the word "ultimately" in the last sentence of any essay or article.

I really really don't like any kind of music that specifically states it is for adults in its title. Adult jazz, adult alternative. Shiver.

I really do like, though, that the British use the phrase "push chair" instead of "stroller."

I don't like, however, celebrities who think they sound cool and in interviews they all, all, use meaningless quotes in place of adjectives or direct objects...

"Well you know it sort of becomes this thing of, 'How do I do this?' And I start getting really unsure of myself and how people are going to perceive it and it becomes very 'What is going on here.' Do you know what I mean?"

I'm sure, Mr. Fancy Actor Man, I would know exactly what you meant if you actually said something.

People just don't get that good language is important and stuff and blah blee blah.

poet laureate of nascar

"This ain't no rag, it's a flag and we don't wear it on our heads. It's a symbol of the land where the good guys live. Are you listening to what I said?"

So goes the apparent country hit written after September 11.

*scatching head* Gracious, I can't imagine why people hate us.

barack obama

Well, just as I was fuming over our divisiveness, I really stopped and thought about Barack Obama's DNC speech. Beyond the sound bites...

We are connected as one people. If there's a child on the south side of Chicago who can't read, that matters to me, even if it's not my child. If there's a senior citizen somewhere who can't pay for her prescription and has to choose between medicine and the rent, that makes my life poorer, even if it's not my grandmother. If there's an Arab American family being rounded up without benefit of an attorney or due process, that threatens my civil liberties. It's that fundamental belief- I am my brother's keeper, I am my sisters' keeper- that makes this country work. It's what allows us to pursue our individual dreams, yet still come together as a single American family. 'E pluribus unum.' Out of many, one. Yet even as we speak, there are those who are preparing to divide us, the spin masters and negative ad peddlers who embrace the politics of anything goes. Well, I say to them tonight, there's not a liberal America and a conservative America- there's the United States of America. There's not a black America and white America and Latino America and Asian America; there's the United States of America. The pundits like to slice-and-dice our country into Red States and Blue States; Red States for Republicans, Blue States for Democrats. But I've got news for them, too. We worship an awesome God in the Blue States, and we don't like federal agents poking around our libraries in the Red States. We coach Little League in the Blue States and have gay friends in the Red States. There are patriots who opposed the war in Iraq and patriots who supported it. We are one people, all of us pledging allegiance to the stars and stripes, all of us defending the United States of America.

*Afterthought: Barack wrote the speech himself. Finally, a political It boy who deserves some spotlight.

more corporate welfare

As we know, or should know, numerous lawsuits are currently filed against Wal-Mart for shoddy employee treatment, both general and specifically toward women; also by groups trying to stunt this monster's cancerous spread across our great nation.

Now, a new gem.

Wal-Mart employees received $86 million in 2001 in public assistance IN CALIFORNIA ALONE. Because they get paid s-h-i-t. In fact, they get paid about 30% less than employees at other, similar retailers. This from a new report by the UC Berkeley Labor Center.

Cause Cali doesn't have enough financial problems.

Remember when the grocery worker unions went on strike in SoCal last year? Why do we think the grocery chains were so hard to deal with? Hmm.... you guessed it. It was, in part, because they have to compete with Wal-Mart. This parasite has already ravaged the South... now it's coming and ruining what little individuality and beauty remains in retail markets all over the country.

Well, all the other big companies do it, don't they? Push as much of their expenses as they can onto the public?

Time for Wal-Mart to pee with the big boys...

meanwhile, back in the hall of justice...

I'm getting more and more disturbed by the political divisiveness of this country. What follows is disjointed rambling.

Driving down the freeway the other day, I see this guy in a big truck. Two American flag stickers, and one Bush/Cheney in '04 sticker. (I mean, come on. I can see if it was an old sticker from 2000. But now? You're still on that train? Wake up dude!)

I got frustrated about that, and I got frustrated for a lot of reasons. I hated that I felt like I immediately knew everything this guy stood for. Iraq was necessary; gay marriage is a joke; war protestors are disgusting and unpatriotic. And you know, I'm probably not wrong. He could have looked at the stickers on my car and guessed that I stand for many of the opposite views; he wouldn't really be wrong either.

Is that what it's come down to?

I don't know. It's never that simple, and of course there are many whose beliefs are somewhere in the middle. Maybe even the majority, although it doesn't feel like it anymore. The folly of the Bush administration has caused people to run to either side. Most Democrats don't even like Kerry, but boy they are out there touting him anyway (something I refuse to do. Not that I'm a Democrat. But anyway).

I digress. Ultimately, these people who have gone and gotten themselves Bush- and O'Reilly-ized, Fox-ized, Coulter-ized.... I really wish they would stop for a minute and think about their humanity.

I feel strongly about this because I went through a conservative phase in my late teens.

I had always had a liberal outlook on life, but found myself to be very different in a lot of ways from my family and the small town where I went to high school. Finally, at around 17, I succumbed to conservatism for a while, hoping to close some of the gap between myself and the validation I needed. I went to church with my brother a little bit. I read the Bible a little bit. I started debating the conservative point of view in my classes, whether I knew what I was talking about or not, and talking to my parents about politics.

The phase lasted about a year, and I came out of it feeling quite bitter. The only reason I did it was because, for once, I wanted to feel accepted. I wanted to feel right, and I wanted to be approved of. And I was. I was stroked almost daily for this behavior. Oh, was I stroked. They loved it. And in church, in particular, I felt right. It felt good to have all these people coming together for what seemed to me the purpose of feeling right together. I watched with amazement how strongly behavior was reinforced. Of course, reinforcement happens in liberal circles too, and it's a human thing, not specific to any type of group. But the solidarity there was so very strong. Stronger than anything I've felt anywhere else.

And that's just so scary.

It seems to me that the live-and-let-live, liberal attitude is more natural. Echoing our good friend Elvis Costello, what IS so damn funny about that?

Individualism and community are both beautiful concepts that can co-exist. As an individual I have the right to do whatever the hell I damn well please as long as I don't hurt anybody. But I also give my time and resources to my community, to my country. The right-wingers spin that around, don't they? They say: You don't have the right to be "immoral" in your personal life, and we can legislate that. But when it comes to economics you can have your individualism and do whatever the hell you want.

Including hurting people, as has become so obvious.

sell sell sell

My brother is a Christian missionary. Philosophically, we are about as far from each other as two people can be.

He just got back from China, where he hung out with some Chinese muslims. (There are 50 - 60 million muslims in China.) He and his small entourage- including my 7-month-old niece, the cutest kid in the world- were welcomed into all the mosques they went to. He even has a picture of a group of them on the roof of a mosque, and they're all wearing the kufi hats.

As a gift to them, my brother gave these very friendly people a small Bible. Turns out they already had one. And they read it from time to time. So, my brother also gave them a copy of the Jesus Film dubbed in their dialect. (My brother has been a recording engineer for some years and has traveled to cities and tiny villages all over the world, finding people to be "actors" and dubbing hundreds of different languages.)

I see the beauty in what he's doing. But I'm also uncomfortable. These people opened up their sacred space. I mean, I suppose they knew he was a missionary and that his purpose in being there was to give some testimony, to just get them thinking about it. And, there are actually as many Christians in China as there are in the U.S. So it's not a foreign concept to them.

There just seems to be a fundamental disrespect there. I understand why Christians want to Spread the Word, I really do. But I would never, ever in a million years go into a mosque or church or temple or synagog and suggest that what someone believes is wrong and that they should believe in something else. Outside of someone's sacred space, I would speak up for myself, I would speak passionately about what I believe; I'm all about discourse. But... I don't know. It's cool to suggest other ways of living and believing. This just seems so aggressive.

I can't seem to stop drawing this comparison in my head to what my brother is doing, and what Islam (in general) thinks the Western world (in general) is doing. The West is pushing- Get democracy, get Christianity, get credit cards. This is the way to live. Because clearly, we here in the West have got it all figured out. We know how to live a fulfilling life.

...At the end of the day, though, I do know that whatever my brother believes Heaven to be, he will certainly go there when he dies. Because he means so well in this life. He wants people to be good and happy. His intentions are so good, and I wish I could believe that about everybody but it's clear that I can't. So, as much as I disagree with him, I'll go on believing in my brother.

i still can't believe john ritter died

Ok? I really liked Three's Company. Mr. Furley was the bomb, with all those matching scarves with his outfits (right, and it was Jack who was supposed to be gay). I won't even talk about the Ropers. Chrissy was hands-down the best blonde, although the tall one was funny and clumsy too. The whiny nurse one, man she was lame. And Janet, well. Janet was a mess. But Larry Dallas had the serious hair going on, and had the major attitude. It was fascinating to watch someone with so little actual game have so much confidence. But out of all those cool people.. Jack Tripper.... you know, they just don't come any better. You couldn't ask for a more funny, lovable character. That was good stuff. There was a lot of innuendo, though. I was probably too young to be watching that.

Ok. I'm glad I got that off my chest.

washing of the water

According to the Hindus, King Bhagirathi prayed to the god Shiva in penance and was in turn given the gift of the goddess Ganga, delivered in the form of a river.

Many myths have come to be about the Ganges river - her most powerful attribute is that she can take on all the sins of the world. You can bathe in her waters and be cleansed. How small your sins must feel, being but one person of the universe, in the midst of such an encompassing lady who can hold all the sin and sadness of the world?

I too have a sacred river. I view my river as the purest place I can be; perhaps the most important thing about that is that I can see myself in it.

I did not accidentally fall into my river- I chose to go to her. Sometimes intention is the most important thing.

We all need a sacred river. To see the reflection, to see that purity in us. And to be cleansed.


So deep, so wide
Will you take me on your back
For a ride
If i should fall
Would you swallow me deep inside

Going away, away towards the sea
River deep, can you lift up and carry me
Oh roll on though the heartland
'Til the sun has left the sky
River, river carry me high
'Til the washing of the water make it all alright

-Peter Gabriel

this incredible nonsense

Well thank goodness the Senate was 12 votes short of what was needed to push along the anti-marriage Amendment. Yes, this isn't the last we've seen of this ugly monster, but it seems pretty clear that the people won't stand for such nonsense.

As quoted by the AP, Sen. Rick Santorum says, "Isn't that the ultimate homeland security, standing up and defending marriage?" Ha. Hee-eee. I would be angry if I weren't laughing so hard. This guy has got to be smoking some serious crack.

Nothing like shifting the focus, and other-ing a group that has done nothing but make this country better. I don't see groups of gay people starting wars and sweatshops and nuclear weapons programs.

It should be against the fucking law to try and use the Constitution to take away someone else's basic rights.

Bastards.

Meanwhile, gay people everywhere are forming beautiful partnerships and getting married and having babies and adopting children who desperately need good homes and building good families and are perhaps doing an even better job than a lot of straight people because they've had to fight for it...

an extremely boring string of numbers

"Everyone sits around and bitches, why don't they get out there and do something?"

We've all heard that. But what about the people who bitch about the people who bitch? Why aren't THEY getting out there and doing something? Why are they spending all their time sitting around and bitching about that?

Have they forgotten the importance of discourse? There would be fairly little doing of anything if people weren't talking-- evaluating, debating, believing, changing. This is the stuff of humanity. For myself, I know that I have, do, and will make a difference in this world in my own unique way.

And I reserve my right to bitch.

Like these observations, for example.... I've been looking at some numbers lately. How stable will our generation be when we reach retirement age? What does our economic picture mean for women? We really need to be looking at this stuff.....

Every couple of years the Bureau of Labor Statistics releases the 10-year employment projections. Of the top 10 occupations with the rosiest projections, seven are by and large poorly paid: retail (596,000 new jobs by 2012), customer service (460,000), food preparation (454,000), cashiers (454,000), janitors (414,000), waiters and waitresses (367,000), and nursing aides (343,000). And the BLS numbers don't distinguish between full-time jobs with benefits and part-time or temp work. In other words, there will be plenty of jobs, but far fewer careers.

Combine this phenom with the increase of the income of the very top upper crust. According to Business Week, from 1990 to 2002, workers' income has increased 46%. CEO pay has increased 279%.

According to the Levy Economics Institute, a wealth of information (heh), the top 5% owns almost 60% of the wealth in this country.

It also reports that the top 10% own a whopping 79% of the investment products- stocks, mutual funds, retirement accounts. The top 1% of that group owns 42% of the investment stake. Those are shocking numbers. We don't have the financial education or security we need. We are not planning.

We've got to start. There has been a wave of financial services these past few years that has made financial planning much more accessible to the masses. You don't have to have a lot of money to have a financial advisor. The financial services industry is actually changing for the better. It used to be that you had some schmuck who didn't know anything who would try to sell you some product, get his commission, and be done with it. But commission-based products are going by the wayside. Now, it's all about fee-based advising. Meaning, out of all your money that your advisor touches, they take out a small percentage every quarter as their fee. So it serves them to make you money. They're now being trained to be real advisors, form real relationships.

I hope that women, in particular, will take advantage of this.

There are over 70 million women in this country right now between 19 and 54. That is a huge portion of our population. Nearly half of these women are unmarried. Now, this doesn't mean that they are necessarily living in a single-income household... but some other stats are intriguing...

According to the 2000 census, roughly two-thirds of women who had babies that year were employed. So whether or not these women are married or co-habitating or are single mothers, they are not staying at home full time with their children. Yet, it's still increasingly difficult to be financially stable.

According to the 2003 National Association of Realtors survey of buyers and sellers, 21% of home purchases made in 2003 were by single women, up from 18 percent in 1997. Nationally, the home ownership rate for households headed by females hit 53% in 2000, up from 48% in the early 1980s, according to census data.

So women are doing a hell of a lot more on their own. I find this awesome. But I'm also worried.

According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the savings rate for single women is 1.5% compared to 2.1% for single men. This is, I'm sure, partially attributable to their having children, many of them on their own. Also because of what they earn.

Women still earn 74 cents for each dollar a man earns, which qualifies them for less Social Security and pension. That isn't good because over 70% of the United State's four million elderly poor people are women; 48% of this group are widows. This makes sense since women live longer. But they have so little security, which is alarming because of that 70 million of younger women who will be reaching old age in the coming decades.

Just some thoughts.

that's what she said

Had a blast of a Fourth of July BBQ, which also served as Beek's 30th birthday party. Oh, there were haystacks and tiki torches. Oh, there was a great deal of food.

And oh, a naughty little Spunge Bob Square Pants pinata. It was fun watching adults crawling around in the grass all, "Heyyyy! I wanted the tequila!" and "Nooooo! The lubricated one is mine!"

wild geese, revisited

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting-
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

Mary Oliver

the most righteous lawrence ferlinghetti

This was written in the fifties.

I Am Waiting

I am waiting for my case to come up
and I am waiting
for a rebirth of wonder
and I am waiting for someone
to really discover America
and wail
and I am waiting
for the discovery
of a new symbolic western frontier
and I am waiting
for the American Eagle
to really spread its wings
and straighten up and fly right
and I am waiting
for the Age of Anxiety
to drop dead
and I am waiting
for the war to be fought
which will make the world safe
for anarchy
and I am waiting
for the final withering away
of all governments
and I am perpetually awaiting
a rebirth of wonder

I am waiting for the Second Coming
and I am waiting
for a religious revival
to sweep thru the state of Arizona
and I am waiting
for the Grapes of Wrath to be stored
and I am waiting
for them to prove
that God is really American
and I am seriously waiting
for Billy Graham and Elvis Presley
to exchange roles seriously
and I am waiting
to see God on television
piped onto church altars
if only they can find
the right channel
to tune in on
and I am waiting
for the Last Supper to be served again
with a strange new appetizer
and I am perpetually awaiting
a rebirth of wonder

I am waiting for my number to be called
and I am waiting
for the living end
and I am waiting
for dad to come home
his pockets full
of irradiated silver dollars
and I am waiting
for the atomic tests to end
and I am waiting happily
for things to get much worse
before they improve
and I am waiting
for the Salvation Army to take over
and I am waiting
for the human crowd
to wander off a cliff somewhere
clutching its atomic umbrella
and I am waiting
for Ike to act
and I am waiting
for the meek to be blessed
and inherit the earth
without taxes
and I am waiting
for forests and animals
to reclaim the earth as theirs
and I am waiting
for a way to be devised
to destroy all nationalisms
without killing anybody
and I am waiting
for linnets and planets to fall like rain
and I am waiting for lovers and weepers
to lie down together again
in a new rebirth of wonder

I am waiting for the Great Divide to be crossed
and I am anxiously waiting
for the secret of eternal life to be discovered
by an obscure general practitioner
and save me forever from certain death
and I am waiting
for life to begin
and I am waiting
for the storms of life,
to be over
and I am waiting
to set sail for happiness
and I am waiting
for a reconstructed Mayflower
to reach America
with its picture story and tv rights
sold in advance to the natives
and I am waiting
for the lost music to sound again
in the Lost Continent
in a new rebirth of wonder

I am waiting for the day
that maketh all things clear
and I am waiting
for Ole Man River
to just stop rolling along
past the country club
and I am waiting
for the deepest South
to just stop Reconstructing itself
in its own image
and I am waiting
for a sweet desegregated chariot
to swing low
and carry me back to Ole Virginie
and I am waiting
for Ole Virginie to discover
just why Darkies are born
and I am waiting
for God to lookout
from Lookout Mountain
and see the Ode to the Confederate Dead
as a real farce
and I am awaiting retribution
for what America did
to Tom Sawyer
and I am perpetually awaiting
a rebirth of wonder

I am waiting for Tom Swift to grow up
and I am waiting
for the American Boy
to take off Beauty's clothes
and get on top of her
and I am waiting
for Alice in Wonderland
to retransmit to me
her total dream of innocence
and I am waiting
for Childe Roland to come
to the final darkest tower
and I am waiting
for Aphrodite
to grow live arms
at a final disarmament conference
in a new rebirth of wonder

I am waiting
to get some intimations
of immortality
by recollecting my early childhood
and I am waiting
for the green mornings to come again
youth's dumb green fields come back again
and I am waiting
for some strains of unpremeditated art
to shake my typewriter
and I am waiting to write
the great indelible poem
and I am waiting
for the last long careless rapture
and I am perpetually waiting
for the fleeing lovers on the Grecian Urn
to catch each other up at last
and embrace
and I am awaiting
perpetually and forever
a renaissance of wonder

what some mensa members have been up to

Mensa, of course, being the international organization for people whose IQ is in the top 2%:

- Marilyn Vos Savant: Listed by Guinness as having the world's highest recorded IQ (228). Writes "Ask Marilyn!", a weekly column in Parade magazine

- Bobby Czyz: A former two-time World Boxing Association (WBA) Cruiserweight Champion

- Dr. Julie Peterson: A former Playboy "Playmate"

- Barry Nolan: Co-anchor of TV's "Hard Copy"

- Deborah Yates: Member of the world-famous Radio City Rockettes

- Bob Speca, Jr.: Professional domino toppler

- Henry Milligan: The 1983 National Amateur Heavyweight champion

Of course there are many members of Mensa who are world-renowned this-or-that.... AND it's not that there is anything wrong with anything these people are doing. But I find this oddly comforting. They aren't all Oxford Professors. They're just really brilliant and they're probably great at what they do.

Anybody you come across could be a genius. I find genuises fascinating, like some weird celebrity cult or something... a group I desperately want to be a part of. I'm especially curious about the Rockette... does she do her kicks with such precision that they can be consistently measured? Does she realize she does this? Or is she just doing it to blow off some steam? Do the other Rockettes hate her? These are the burning questions I ask myself on a warm late Tuesday afternoon.

this material world

"The great courage is still to gaze as squarely at the light as at death." -Albert Camus.

I have a friend who is becoming quite materialistic. This is a quality that never just happens one day; it is something that develops, never through nature, always through nurture and through patterns of denial.

If she could only have that new pair of shoes. Maybe she cannot afford them, but if she just got them anyway, think of how much joy they would bring her. Isn't that worth it? The joy they would bring?

Could she not derive more joy by sitting under a tree? Does the tree not have more to give?

When we are unhappy with ourselves, our selves have an elaborate defense mechanism of shutting down lines of communication within. This thwarts our ability to receive joy from the infinite sources around. We cannot hear ourselves speak, and the true joys of the world can't get in. So we want. Because that need for joy doesn't go away- the spirit only starves while some limb of the self goes off looking for nourishment.

We want and we want and we want.

The very nature of wanting portends that it will always grow, externally, in proportion to how little communion occurs within the self. Wanting is a state of unfulfillment. Negative space.

I want to be completely, perfectly happy under a tree today. Looking at a duck. Taking a twig into my hand.

under god, under thumb

At least for now, the Supreme Court has ensured that the phrase "one nation, under God," will remain in the Pledge of Allegiance.

According to the Associated Press, "the court said atheist Michael Newdow could not sue to ban the pledge from his daughter's school and others because he did not have legal authority to speak for her." (Newdow is in a custody battle for his daughter right now.) So the court really didn't answer the question that is being asked.

Justice John Paul Stevens said, "When hard questions of domestic relations are sure to affect the outcome, the prudent course is for the federal court to stay its hand rather than reach out to resolve a weighty question of federal constitutional law." He avoided making any sort of official statement about the issue.

Newdow will continue to fight, and the question will be answered at some point.

Is this issue not clear?

The First Amendment: "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion..."

Let us all please, please remember that Congress did in fact make such a law. "Under God" was not added to the Pledge until 1954. It was on this day, Flag Day, that the act was passed. "In God We Trust" was added to paper money in 1955. We were in a religious revival back then, mainly fueled by... yep, an effort to declare ourselves morally superior to communists, particularly the atheist Soviets.

And now we seem to be going through some other strange religious revival... partly because of the Christian right's amazing political momentum over the past couple of decades. But also because we want to declare ourselves morally superior over... yep. Pretty much anyone who doesn't have democracy. Islam. Middle Eastern and Asian countries. (Apparently nobody cares about Africa.) Terrorists. Heck, they're all the same, aren't they? Yeah, right.

So, because Christianity is an official, majority affiliation, it gets the spotlight. And the Christians say that this is okay because this country was built upon Christianity.

There is a great deal of debate over the true religious spirit of those who built this country. True, the Founding Fathers, those who were part of the Constitutional Convention, were mostly some form of Christian. Many were even Calvanists, which is pretty hard core. However it has been argued that many who have had influence, including some of our first Presidents, were Deists. Deists are all about reason, and they reject the sanctity of the Bible. Non-Christian, indeed.

Even so, are these people the only ones who matter? Yes, they did amazingly important things. But what were they building from? Who really built this country?

Can we discount the African paganism of slaves? Strains of religion that, while often acknowledging a supreme being, also believed strongly in the sanctity of nature/the earth and magical spirits. Can we discount other pagans and atheists who no doubt helped to build this country as well?

Even if those who created the Constitution were mainly Christian, and even if their values undoubtedly influenced what was written, can we discount the current American religious landscape, which is made up of Christians, Muslims, Hindus, Jews, Unitarians, Pagans, Buddhists, Native Americans and dozens of others that are both secular and non-secular in nature? Yes, almost every member of the Supreme Court and the majority of Congress are Christian in some form. It is now as it was then: those in power by and large have Christian values. (At least theoretically.) But according to the government, the number of mosques in the United States has doubled in the last 15 years; also around ten percent of the citizenry is atheist or agnostic.

When will we start demanding that our government represent all of us, and stop this power grab? Non-Christians who are monotheistic know full well what the reference to God in the Pledge and on our money really means. It does not represent them. And it certainly does not represent those who are polytheists or atheists or agnostics.

Regardless of who was or is affiliated with what, having "under God" in the Pledge of Allegiance undermines the very spirit of the Constitution.

endless mourning

Maureen Dowd from the New York Times had a rather brilliant comment about Bush regarding Reagan's passing:

"Finally, there's a flag-draped coffin and military funeral that President Bush wants us to see."

Chills.

The Bush Administration says, no more photos from the largest military mortuary in Delaware. In fact, there is now minimal photographic evidence available of the slain. They say it's for the privacy of the families. Uh-huh. There was nothing private about Reagan's burial, now was there? We were allowed to openly mourn him, even walk right up to the casket. Watch it on tv.

Rep. Jim McDermott, a Democrat from Washington, said that the omission of photos of coffins or remains "is not about privacy. This is about trying to keep the country from facing the reality of war."

Uh-huh.

So, when someone dies in battle, we are supposed to just sorta hear about it in the headlines. No national mourning. There are just too many of them. At the time I am writing this, 834 American military people have died in Iraq. If we all stood around mourning every single one, I guess we wouldn't do much else, would we? We wouldn't be out spending our money and working to make money (in that order) and going about our business and having barbeques. And we'd never leave the house if we took the time to mourn for every Iraqi who has died. Currently, that number is in the neighborhood of 10,000.

How much more death of our bodies and destruction of our spirits? Oh... I guess a lot more.

where troubles melt like lemon drops

Ray Charles passed.

I had the pleasure of seeing him live some years ago, and he was one of those brilliant, bright lights whom age could never dull. He was just as captivating as at any other time of his career.

Hearing him sing Old Man River for the first time as a teenager, I remember understanding so many things. Really getting the boundless sorrow of that song. But then, as only Ray could do, he found an optimism in it, as well.

He did it again in Somewhere Over the Rainbow. Oh, when I heard him do that.... he raised that song higher and took it lower than I ever knew it could go.

If you haven't heard Ray Charles do Rainbow, or haven't heard it in a long time, go listen to it now. Go. It's simply... yeah.

It seems only a black man who grew up in America, poorest of poor, blind after his first few years of life, and orphaned, could have the particular kind of textural, expressive depth that he had. And that he sang these two particular songs with such vision, with such breadth... is ridiculously inspiring and tells his story more than words ever could.

Sleep well, Ray. You are so beautiful and your voice full of pain and hope and laughter continues to sing in my heart.

a closer look

Doing a little curious research yesterday, I did a search for "god gender." One of the first things that came up was:

Buy God, Gender and the Bible at Walmart.com

Yep. That's right. You can buy not only the Bible at Wal-Mart, you can buy god and gender too. And they've gone through some effort for all of us to know that. Which is so convenient, because I was getting really tired of having to look for those things.

I hope everyone knows that the owners of Wal-Mart take up four slots on the list of the world's top ten richest people.

I hope everyone knows that communities around the world continue to boycott the presence of Wal-Mart because of its unfair trade practices, shoddy employee treatment, and obliteration of independently owned stores.

Rather than go shopping at Wal-Mart, I challenge all of us to go out into the world and see god in a leaf. To find the feminine in our fathers and the masculine in our mothers. To find both ends of the spectrum in ourselves, plus everything in between.

While we're at it, let's find god in our mothers and fathers. And, yes, in ourselves.

We can do it.

painfully routine

a young man was killed in a car bomb outside a hotel in Baghdad this week, an event NPR called "painfully routine" for dwellers of this city. indeed atrocities like these happen almost daily in a city little more than nine miles long and across. we have seen the coffins and raised fists.

to mourn this particular young man's death, his family set up a tent outside their home in the street as a memorial for him. family, friends and neighbors came to the tent to kiss and hug and cry and scream.

they set up a tent. in front of their house.

i imagine the parents of a slain U.S. soldier setting up a white tent on their suburban street. i imagine neighbors coming out of their deadbolted houses, getting out of their tinted SUV's and coming over. i imagine a blown up portrait of the son, young and hopeful, propped up on a folding table. i imagine "distant" family coming from across town, from across the country. i imagine loud and sad music playing. i imagine the people grasping and clawing at each other, kissing and holding each other up. the men weeping and screaming and holding each other's faces. the anger and injustice being poured out, swam in, stirred up, made into rain. eye contact. no hesitation before expression. then the question. the real question that comes from real anguish.

the demanding, seeking, motivating, undeniable: why?

At the drugstore today:
Little Kid: "Mommy, I want to run away."
Mommy: "Well honey, sometimes I do too."

I want to run away, but only if it will make me feel different.

I want to run away, but I want those I dearly love to know that I'm not running from them.

I want to run away, but I want to feel at home wherever I end up.

I want to run away, but I want my cats to stay with me.

I want to run away, but I want to open myself to the beautiful people in my life who have been knocking on my door for ages trying to see me.

I want to run away, but I want to be here and be present and be myself and be the person who is frolicking around deep inside of me.

I don't want to run away.

the hits keep coming, ok?

President Outlines Role of His Faith (Washington Times)

"I think people attack me because they are fearful that I will then say that you're not equally as patriotic if you're not a religious person," Mr. Bush said. "I've never said that. I've never acted like that. I think that's just the way it is."