Where to begin? I want you to know that I'm not writing this to berate you in any way, only to further our communication.
I feel I need to tell you something in this letter that I do not seem to have been able to communicate to you in person. I'm not sure how to say it so you'll hear me, so I'll just come out and say it as simply as I can: You will not get tuna everyday. This won't happen, not ever. You will get it once every couple of days at best. I know that you have tried to tell me, to explain how you think you need tuna every single day. But you see, this desire for daily tuna is a want, not a need. I need for you to start distinguishing between those two things.
I feel like it's time to be open about this - the neurosis is reaching epic proportions. You watch me cook my own dinner (ok, fine, I realize that "cook" is a gross misrepresentation) while you have your perfectly good kibble in your bowl. I always buy for you the brand you like and I always listen when you tell me that the level of said kibble is not quite at the level in the bowl that you would like it to be. In short, I keep you in darn good kibble. And I might as well just say it - the precision with which you watch my every move in the vacinity of the kitchen is a little disturbing. You're always waiting, always obsessing over that moment when I might go to the tuna cupboard. Take a look at yourself. Is this how you want to be?
Also, I wonder what is up with the Spawn. You seem to manage to avoid her at all times, which on most levels I applaud, because it saves everyone's nerves I think when we can avoid any contact with her. However, when your little brother gets into trouble, I really... well, I don't see you rushing to his defense in any way. I don't expect you to take on the Spawn yourself, I just... I guess I would just like to see you get out there a little more, show your brother some support. Yes, I know he is adopted. But sooner or later you're going to have to accept that he's your brother no matter what, and he's stood by you through thick and thin. Hasn't he? Hasn't he endured your bullying and taunting? He's a good boy, and he doesn't eat much tuna. Think of what it must feel like for him, living forever in your shadow.
I truly hope you'll think about what I've said, and save your responses until after you've had time to let it sink in. Thank you for listening.
Mama
