quotes from friends

"If people had lowered expectations when they met me, I think I'd have more friends."

"There's no doubt that I'll see you again soon. And there's no doubt I'll bitch about you again soon."

"He's a street urchin who needs my love."

"You have woken up in an alley before. Let's just be real."

"What kind of expensive operation do I have to get to get laid in this
town?"

"I saw her dancing on that pole, and I knew she'd be okay with my addictions. We got that out of the way right away."

"There are some things you just shouldn't have to say. Like, 'Hey, you really need to go down on me first.'"

forcing me

This wouldn't be my journal if I didn't mention Star Wars. I've seen Revenge of the Sith about six times now, three in the theater and three on dvd. Yes, the dvd comes out Nov 1, but thanks to Leta's trip to China, I gained access to a copy that is of decent quality. I've watched all the other Star Wars films on dvd at least twice in the last couple months. Yes, even Attack of the Clones. I saw some thing on tv where they were making fun of the Star Wars nerds, and they were walking out of the theater saying "Dude that was better than Empire!" Which is kinda sad because that's pretty much exactly what I said the first time I saw it. So much for originality. There is a caveat though - I think Revenge of the Sith is undoubtedly a better movie than The Empire Strikes Back, but it could never replace the latter in my affections. None of the current movies could ever have the moxie or the charm of the original three. I mean come on, Harrison Ford managed a good performance under Lucas' direction. That's moxie. Which is, again, a completely unoriginal thought.

At any rate, I loved this movie - the battles between Dooku and Anakin, Grievous and Obi-Wan. (Four fucking light sabers?!) Yoda versus the Emporer! Great political plot weaving (thank you Tom Stoppard). The touchy-feely stuff with Padme is laughable, but you come to expect that. What really matters here is the greatness of the story being told, and the philosophy behind it. (I could go on for hours about the metaphors around the evolution of the Jedi order and their ideas about love and attachment, but I won't.) And yes I admit I am reading the books. My imagination has been captured by this great story for most of my life. Also, and I can't stress this enough, if Hayden Christensen ever needs a pretend wife to cover up his gayness, I think I'd be a great candidate. The Dark Side is very sexy on him. He's perfectly smoldering and well aware of just how much ass he kicks. He could go off cruising all the hot young actors, and I could do my own thing. It'd work out great. But I would need an occassional bit of lovin'. And take off your shirt as much as possible, would you Hayden darling!

Sorry, I... went to the Bahamas there for just a second.
(Old Steve Martin joke.. never mind.)

quote of the week

"Ouch," I said.

I congratulated myself on having found the right word for the occasion.

- Steve Martin, The Pleasure of My Company

patriotica

I haven't made up any new words in a while, and I think it's high time. There is this thing that, while in existence for a long time, has really taken off in the last four years, and I think it should be given its due attention.

Yes, it's patriotica. Porn for patriots. It's soooo hot right now.

Mmmm.















Oh yeah. Keep it coming.












Yeah that's nice...
















Wow, it's so... bright and stimulating.






















YES!
















Oh that's good. Now give it to me real good, come on...















And I'm spent.

say my name bitch

Long long ago, on a Vegas trip far far away, Lorie entered a state of... a-hem, non-sobriety. She said something really funny.

So I guess everyone in the world has seen the Dave Chappelle Show, and everyone in the world has seen his bit where he makes fun of Rick James? Well, I didn't know what she was talking about. In an attempt to explain, she generously offered Chappelle's apparent catchphrase, which is "I'm Rick James, bitch!" Now, I can see how that would be funny. Rick James is a character who exists on fertile ground for being made fun of. But what ended up happening was way funnier. Because of said non-sobriety, Lorie kept saying the wrong name. This was a phenomenon that induced hours of laughter and genuine entertainment. I decided it would be a very good idea to make stickers to commemorate that fateful night.






I just found this in a folder and thought I should share. These stickers are floating around in various parts of California. That Lorie, she's a card.