Don't you hate it when you are looking for something and you end up going back and reading old emails? Old as in 10 years ago? And then you can't stop and you just keep reading all these back and forths about things that meant so much at the time? And you keep going up through the years?
Yeah.
I got stuck for about two hours last night doing just that. And I was already a bit emotional. But the amazing thing to me is how much we forget. OK, how much I forget. Did I really feel such a deep sense of urgency in that situation? Wow, I sent that person a package? Did we really meet for dinner that night? Did those two break up that long ago? I forgot that she knew him so well.
These things get lost. But I am glad to have a partial fossil record, knowing which paths crossed when. What some of my personal issues were and even a track record of my varying levels of communication with people I care about. There are some people that have been lost, and I feel that loss more now that I remember so acutely where we used to be.
Evolution happens so slowly. In the spiral of time it is hard to see down to the bottom and know the particles that began your life. We must document. Love love fear fear fear love love fear love. This is the binary code of longing and retreat. These are the benchmarks that fill the event log. We are beholden to time.
